How many times you felt disrespected and rejected by somebody you care? How many times your messages weren’t answered or your needs weren’t met? Or in return you’ve heard an excuse, a lie, or the subject of the conversation suddenly changed while you were speaking? It’s time to acknowledge what is going on; what is making you feel uncomfortable; what is making you feel upset. If it happened with you, please don’t try to deny or lower the situation or even numb your feelings. If you felt disrespected, recognize what your body is trying to say to you and bare in mind what actually is causing those feelings. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step for healing.
How many times you heard people saying that in the modern world people are “too busy” and don’t have enough time for others? Everybody has “time” when they need something from you. You know that type of friendship, right? This is not the “modern world”, this is just people being people. I wouldn’t like to say that, but the majority of the people nowadays is a little bit off. We can also say that everyone is fighting their own battles; trying to make a living; and many other excuses to deny the fact that even though we all have access to technology, people are in fact completely disconnected.
In this unstable environment how can you expect to be treated well by somebody that mistreats / rejects him/herself? How do you expect to be treated by somebody who lives anxious, with fear, that just wants to protect him/herself from suffering? The settled distance, the lies and excuses they make are all bricks that built up the same shelter they are already living in. Who is more lonely?
In order to understand what’s going on let’s take a look at the causes. Recently I learned a great lesson I’d like to share with you:
Don’t take it personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. (The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz)
In other words, the best way to change the situation we don’t like is lowering our expectations on other people’s actions.
By paying attention to my feelings, studying and observing, I learned that
Only a healthy person can sympathize with other people’s feelings. And only a healthy person can reciprocate your TIME.
So, if for some reason you felt that somebody left you behind or disrespected you; I’d like to suggest you to do some research inside yourself and see if you are not living yourself behind as well. If our relationships mirrors who we are; what is bothering you the most in your relationships might be inside of you somehow hidden behind your own excuses. It can also be fact that you’re accepting less than you deserve as a matter of low self-esteem; or it can be the fact that you’re delaying to have an assertive conversation with the person you’re having issues.
What are your current thoughts? What can be changed? Look at all the situations that make you feel upset and ask yourself how can you learn from that? Is this the right time to have a good conversation to clarify what’s going on? Is this the right time to stand up for yourself, set up your boundaries / find new friends / brake up / move on? I’m sure that sooner or later that phone call you’re waiting for is gonna ring. What are you gonna do?
Before picking up the phone consider the following statement: It doesn’t matter what people say or do; what matters is how you choose to react and what you choose to believe about yourself.